Curricula Postings for the University of F.U.

The following e-mail was received from a certain someone in my life. He  found it tremendously funny. Needless to say, I felt a rebuttal was in order.
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SUMMER CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER 

Registration must be complete by  Thursday June 22 , 2009

NOTE: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class size will be limited to 8 participants maximum.

  

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at
7:00 PM

 

 

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday
12:00 for 2 hours


Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday
10:00 PM for 2 hours
 

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks

 

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at
7:00 PM 

  

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday
7:00 PM 

 

Class 7
Can a
Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours
   

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.


Class 10
How to
Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s
noon, 2 hours.

   

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself


Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM 

 

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours
 

Class 14
The Stove/Oven–What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
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Aaaaand, the rebuttal:

FALL CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE NOT-QUITE-AN-ADULT LEARNING CENTER  2009 .

Registration must be completed by Thursday September 24 , 2009

NOTE: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class sizes will be limited to 6 participants maximum.

 

Class 1
Up in the Bedroom, Down at Work:  Confine Your Erection to Socially-Appropriate Settings
 
Special Breakout Session for Pocket-Pool Masters 
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs
 beginning at 7:00 PM
 

 
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy:  Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday
12:00 for 2 hours 
   

Class 3
Is It Possible to Drive Past a Hardware Store Without Stopping?–Group Debate
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday
10:00 PM for 2 hours

 

Class 4
Meat and Bearded-Clam Tacos:
Learn Different Approaches for Different Meals

 Pictures and Explanatory Graphics
Meets Saturdays at
2:00 PM
for 3 weeks 

 
 
 
Class 5

Dirty Dishes—They Won’t Levitate and Fly Into The Dishwasher by Themselves
Video Demonstration
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at
7:00 PM

 

Class 6
Expand Your Vocabulary to More than Just a Grunt
Help Line Support and Support Groups
(Kidding! We Know You’d Never Use Them, Since They Might Actually Help.)
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday
7:00 PM

 

Class 7
Nail Files, Nose-Hair Trimmers and Shampoo – What They Are, and How to Overcome Your Phobia
Open Forum
Monday at
8:00 PM, 2 hours

 

Class 8
Health Watch–There Is a Laundry Hamper For a Reason – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9
I Was Wrong and She Was Right (As Usual!)–Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

 

Class 10
How to Hit the Toilet Every Time
(For the Severely-Challenged, an Introduction to Toilet Paper and Its Uses)

4 weeks, Saturday’s noon,
2 hours 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Play Golf  Three Times a Week
Without Earning a Titleist Enema

Tuesdays at
7:00 PM, location to be determined   

 

Class 12
How to Be Sick with a Cold, Yet Still Retain a Vestige
of Masculine Dignity

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
 
    

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering To Take a List To The Grocery Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours

 

Class 14
Still Learning at Sixty!
Making Friends with the Little Man in the Boat – Who is He, and Where Can He Be Found?
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

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So what do you think, guys and gals?  I’m sure there are one or two course changes you’d like to suggest. 🙂  

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8 thoughts on “Curricula Postings for the University of F.U.

  1. Number 12 made me laugh far too loudly for work. 😀 And reminded me of The Man Cold skit, which I am linking here in case you haven’t seen it.

    How about:

    Class 15
    Acing That First Date
    When Not To Talk About Porn, Your Gymnast Ex, or “Mr. Pointy”.

    1. My sister-in-law’s long-term boyfriend has a gymnast ex — a girl referred to solely as “bangs” (for her hair, TYVM)… nothing mentioned about her flexibility attributes 😉

  2. Bane, ha! I can tell you, he was pretty keen to share these gems with me. We’ll see if the feeling’s reciprocated. 😉

    Amy, hahaha! I haven’t seen that link. Brilliant. Also, somehow in my thesaurus of willie names, “Mr. Pointy” hasn’t come up. I’ll have to save that for a particularly tender moment. 🙂

  3. Both sets of classes were freakin’ hilarious… and sadly, sorta true. I definitely need Classes 6 and 10, and Dan could perhaps benefit from Classes 7, 12, and 13. But don’t tell him I said that… or he might accuse me of needing #8.

    1. Hahaha, Laura. My lips are sealed. I’m personally waiting for the fallout should my husband decided to read this list. 😮 Perhaps I should have thought of that before I hit “publish”.

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