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1. Your internet connection will go down on the day of your deadline.
2. Printers will run out of ink the night of your critique group meeting.
3. The day your sex scene is being critiquing will be the day you’ll run into your former boss at the restaurant. It goes without saying you are dressed in your shabbiest clothing and he/she glances down at your pages, then freezes.
4. The one day your muse is cooperative, easily accessed, and playful, will be the day your child will come down with the ‘flu and need to be picked up from school.
5. The background conversation at the coffee shop will die the precise moment you’re explaining ménage mechanics to another writer.
6. You NEVER pass malodorous wind, except when squeezed into a bar at the RWA. That’s where you are in the company of agents, editors, and writers on which you have a fangirl crush.
7. The most brilliant idea of your life will come to you when you have no paper/iPhone/computer handy.
8. The blog posts you sweat over will be the least frequented, whereas the ones you dash off in half an hour become immensely popular.
9. If you try to subvert the process of #8, and create a popular blog post by acting careless, your muse will know. She punishes you by making your work appear slipshod.
10. When you think of a high-concept premise, you will read of it on Publisher’s Marketplace the next day. It will have sold to your publisher of choice in what will be described as a “significant deal”.
11. If you are on a budget, your muse will insist on $5.50 coffees.
12. If you are trying to eat for health, your muse will insist on chocolate. (Cadbury’s Dark Chocolate with Cherries and Nuts).
13. Your butt has more ambition than you and is currently more successful. It’s already the size of the Ozark Mountains and aspires to become the next Everest.
What about you, Gentle Reader? Have you any Murphyism that pertain to writing you’d care to share? I’m certain my list is far from complete.