Road Trip Math

Portrait of twins

Numbers don’t mean a lot to me. Until the moment that they do. Thus, a tale about a spring break trip, told through the vibrant and undervalued medium of numerical symbolism:

#hours of sleep before road trip due to unsettled household — 4

#cups caffeine consumed to enhance alertness while driving — 3

#resulting bathroom breaks in a 5-hour trip — 7

#long johns available in coffee shop — 1

#people wanting a long john after the mother in this tale stated she yearned to eat one — 3

#minutes spent devising equitable distribution of said long john — 5


Twin girls (7-9) with hands over mouths, looking up, close-up

#miles walked in town — 4

#miles walked in and out of stores — 5

#shops visited before male offspring decided on folding pocket knife (with his name inscribed on it) for souvenir — 3

#sticks whittled thereafter — 1

#times sibling poked with stick, necessitating maternal intervention — 5


#boutiques investigated for handknit sweaters made from New Zealand wool (knit by sherpas in the Himalayas; lined with silk by child laborers in China; transported by cargo ship and train to an Albertan mountain town, using 0.13759 tonnes of fossil fuels) — 19

#sweaters purchased after it was realized “oh yeah, spring is here” — 0


#designer leather jackets over $500 drooled over by female offspring — 3

#hints about longevity of leather versus wool sweaters — this one’s a total estimate: 1000

#masculine sighs — infinity

#part-time jobs held down by offspring — 1

#times mother offered to spring for leather jackets — 0

#leather jackets purchased — 0


#calories consumed, rounded to the nearest million — eleventy

#calories regretted — eleventy million, minus 1268, give or take


#minutes accidental speeding, with estimated excess speed of 8 miles/hr — 3

#flashes from passed photo-radar vehicle during point above — 1

#embarrassed moments in company of too-observant daughter — 20

#worthwhile road trips this spring break — ONE! 🙂


So how did you find your own spring break, peeps? Did you get away? Did your children drive your crazy even as you wanted to tackle-hug them and give them noogies? Got any special math to share?

Save & Share this Post | Get Tartitude by Email | Contact hope101

9 thoughts on “Road Trip Math

  1. We don’t have spring break since our kids are out of school now (a concept I still have trouble believing). But we did go up to Chicago on what would have been spring break, so that counts.

    Here’s my math:

    1 daughter in Orlando
    1 son in Chicago
    = hours and hours on the phone every day

    It also = almost 400 miles each way to Chicago and two hours in a plane or 14 hours in the car (barring blizzards) to get to Orlando.

  2. I’m still puzzling over the “long johns”. LOL I couldn’t figure out WHY they would be in a coffee shop, but then nearly freaked when you talked about EATING long johns. LOL

    So I think I need a tutorial on this one 🙂

    And no real spring break for me. The weather a few weeks ago was definitely spring-ish, so I’ll count that. Right now it’s rainy, so I wouldn’t mind a “rain break”. 🙂

  3. # of children = 1
    # of children aged 24 = 1
    # of “buy me” hints = 0 (She buys her own stuff or does without)

    # of hours spent editing = 60
    # of times husband required extended attention = 8 (and each time quite well worth it)

    *heavy sigh* I’m looking forward to the extended Spring Break of retirement someday . . . Meanwhile, I take what time I can get! 😉

    Funny article, and the long johns stumped me too until you started talking about eating them and the off-spring wanting one too. Then it was — oh! LOOOONNNNGGG JOOOHHNNNSS, yeah, I got it!

  4. long johns had me for a minute, too, then i got it on the context. think donut-like eclair and very yummy.

    we went on a couple of road trips during spring break. i actually said the words, “do not touch your sister!” and “keep your hands on your side of the car”. I’ve figured out the brilliance of the minivan, I think – it’s so 2 kids can be split apart so they can’t be within touching distance;)

    we also went up to DC to the zoo. thankfully the weather was great, the animals were cooperative – as were the kidlets – and yet the day was expensive. was it like that when we were kids? i think we paid more for parking than we did for gas for the 4 hr [total] trip.

  5. Have I mentioned I love it when you guys chime in with your own math? Cool.

    Steph, the minivan solution only works until their arms grow. 😉

    Hart, we went to Jasper, Alberta. It’s be-yoo-ti-ful and even snow-free — unusual for this early in the year.

  6. #of days I was actually off during spring break = 0
    #of hairs I pulled out because of the above = who knows!

    Yeah, my kids are young, but the eldest was out of preschool and while it was great spending that time with them all week, I missed my writing!

Leave a Reply