I’m starting a new feature on this blog, and it will be more regularly updated than any other meme I’ve followed because of the natural abundance of material. (Note to self: check if I’ve followed any memes in the past, and if so, give them cool names, which will double this blog’s readership in no time.)
Anyway, the title of this feature is “Jan is a Bad Mother Because______”
The “_______” will be the part I’ll add to gain your pity, laughter, and permit you a supercilious sneer, because it’s a true-fact that supercilious sneers are the best way to clear your respiratory system, and we’re all about the health on Tartitude. (When we’re not about the cool memes, which I still have to check on and rename. How does “Jan eschews leprosy as a ________” sound? I think that could be a winner.)
This week’s contribution comes courtesy of Frank. It is entitled “Jan is a Bad Mother Because She Remembers Some Medicine.” Apologies to those who’ve heard the story elsewhere:
This weekend I took the kids shopping and we stopped at Starbucks for a bite on the way. Frank, who is quickly compensating for his sister’s teenaged placidity, began to scratch his face and his neck. I said to him, “Are you feeling any shortness of breath? Is your throat closing in? Tell me if that happens.”
He mocked my over-protectiveness.
I told him he was about to break out in hives.
He told me he’s not allergic to anything.
I reminded him he was allergic to everything when he was a baby, but it doesn’t matter, not all hives come from allergies.
He told me I’m insane.
About thirty seconds later he broke out in HUGE hives everywhere, but the ones I mostly cared about were the ones on his face and neck because they confirmed my motherly omnipotence. Of course Molly and I laughed, which only made him more annoyed and flushed, and the hives even bigger.
The good news would be: I didn’t have to locate an Epi-pen or demonstrate my competence in more dramatic ways. The bad news? Starbucks is freaking expensive. Next time I will be a bad mother in Tim Horton’s, which is easily half the cost for the same quantity of trans fats and mockery.
How was your relationship with your mother when you were fifteen? And what do you think of the coffee at Starbucks? (I’m thinking “burnt dregs” would be applicable, but then, I’m still in a good mood from the weekend.)