Ok. So the Alternate Rib Fracture Story contest deadline came and went and now I know why I haven’t judged a competition before. It’s so hard to pick! For one thing, I have eclectic tastes, so I’m as apt to enjoy a zany poem as literary prose. For another, I’m much better at giving specific feedback than assigning an absolute value.

Nevertheless, I made a commitment and if it requires me to don my Big Girl Panties, then so be it.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on your entries. (And thank you for participating!)

Kell, though it’s short, the haiku was so typical of you. You begin with a gentle, classic intro and then *snick* slip in the stiletto-like humor. I approve. 😉

Lela, fruit ninjas? Bwahaha. I did not see that coming, yet it’s so obvious.

Caleb, it’s fascinating to see your sensibilities displayed in this brief post, especially since I haven’t read your fiction before: Nature, spirituality, battlefields. This is you. I also love the concept of the Sacred Citrus.

Maer, your piece is so poignant. A poetic moment, the conflict, a sense of wistfulness and self-doubt.

Timothy, ha ha ha. Can you write anything that isn’t funny?

Vaughn, oh…my. I think your poetry quite possibly rivals mine in the categories of “tasteless” and “WTF.” What’s more, I know you’ll consider that the compliment it was intended to be. 😉

Amy, I can’t believe you remembered all those details about my fridge! I love the humor, and you get bonus points for working in our kitchen debacle.

Tracey, WTG on insulting your blog host, lady. “To make her look smart”?? Hee. Very funny and all too true.

Heather, ooh, I love the dark turn this one took–the sense of cosmic balance superimposed on a lyrical voice. I can see why you’ve been urged to write, my dear. I hope you keep at it.

Gwynnifer, oh ho, you have a sense of the bawdiness I was looking for. Well done, you. I love how you worked in the romance angle.

To all of the above, in gratitude for playing along, please feel free to snag this badge and use it. (Or not, according to your preference.)

So…though it was tough, that leaves one entry I haven’t mentioned. Here it is:

I believe you are actually part of a Roller Derby on the side with the registered derby name of Tartitude, a bright orange helmet cresting your head along with citrus coloured striped socks, roller skates and pads. You were trying to score for your team, trying to sneak through the pack when some behemoth of a woman tripped and fell sideways, completely squeezing the juice out of you. You didn’t realize you were hurt at first (adrenaline after all, you supertart) so you kept on skating, your team eventually beating the other team to a pulp. It wasn’t until you were in the change room after the match that you noticed something funny about your side, then you proudly showed the other girls your protruding alien ribs before deciding to go to the Drs to get fixed. 

You had me at Roller Derby, Shanna Gekko, and with the vision of physical courage and moxie which I wished I possessed. Long story, but I never mastered skating or roller-blading in my youth, and now I’m a-skeered to learn and deeply envious of my sister. (Who can do both yet does treat her gift with the respect I feel it deserves.)

I also love how you extended the Tartitude lexicon. (Team Tart.) Your badge, should you choose to display it, is as follows:

Thanks for playing along, Zesties. You helped turn a frustrating episode into a great memory.