“Ohm” via merwing on Flickr. Click to visit his page.
In an ongoing effort to improve my mental capacity, I borrowed book from library on meditation. I took it with me to dance class, remember setting it down somewhere and at the time thinking, If I’m not careful, I’ll never remember to look here when I’m done.
Of course, now I can’t find it.
To add insult to injury, I’ve since discovered I already own a paper version of the book and I’ve read it before. And it wasn’t particularly helpful the first time through. The only thing that would make this more perfectly ironic would be if I’d lost the book I rented on mindfulness.
It’s a Zen koan, Zesties, designed to blow your mind like the ToolMaster’s always doing to me when we’re watching TV.
Me: I wish this show came with enclosed captioning. I can’t hear what they’re saying with those thick British accents.
ToolMaster: What’s that?
Me: I said I wished this show came with enclosed captioning. I can’t hear what they’re— Oh, never mind. Grrrr. Twenty-six years and I’m still falling for that line.I can’t believe how gullible—
ToolMaster: What’s that?
Me: I said it’s taken me twenty-six years and I’m still falling for–
Look, all I’m saying is that if you hear of a murder-suicide in Alberta, Canada and the weapon is a TV remote, don’t be so judge-y. Chances are there’s a similar backstory.
On the other hand, the ToolMaster’s thought processes are catching. To wit:
Library: Ms. O’Hara, we’re calling because your book is overdue.
Me: Which one is that?
Library: On Creating a Foolproof Memory.
Me: Obviously, the fact I can’t locate it means it’s no good. Ergo, you’re a lousy steward of taxpayers’ money. If I pay for it, I’ll only encourage your business model and be responsible for the bankrupting of Canada.
Library: <after a period of sputtering> Our readers have given that book one hundred 5-star reviews.
Me: That’s because by the time people get through the rigmarole of your website,with their still-faulty memories, they don’t remember what was so awful about it. Get an actually helpful book on memory, and you’ll have more accurate readings.
Library: <lots of stuff, which boils down to “We’re happy with our website. It’s a good book. You’re the one with a screw loose.”>
Me: Look, I can’t even remember your name and you introduced yourself not two minutes ago. If that book was doing its job–
Library, in triumphant tones: Ma’am, I didn’t tell you my name.
Me: Then why aren’t we talking about the book I borrowed on manners?
On a practical note, I forgot to let you guys know about my recent Writer Unboxed piece in which I wax lyrical about my dancing class. I think. See what I mean about my memory?
Flying Fingers or Tapping Toes: Art is Art is Art
[message type=”simple”]If you’d like to receive notification when I post new content on Tartitude, sign up here. Or connect with me on Twitter (@jan_ohara) and Facebook.[/message]
Jan, another wonderfully funny article. I always enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for the laugh.
Well if you can’t laugh at your husband, who can you laugh at? 😉
Thanks, Maer. Appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment!
This is so awesome, Jan. And btw, my husband gets me the same way and I fall for it Every. Single. Time. What’s worse, my son has caught on to the game.
So has Frank! Good thing I don’t mind playing the straight man in real life. It’s only online that my true nature is revealed. 😉
Oh. My. Gosh. My husband does that to me, too. Argh–and I still fall for it and then feel like an idiot while he grins because he has completely derailed the topic. I have also some how lost a Jim Butcher pb that I borrowed from the library (I swear I returned it, but that was Christmas-time and the kids were home and . . . I think I’ll blame the kids, surely one of them packed it by accident.) . . . and I didn’t answer the phone when the library called. lol. Sigh. Reading this is karma telling me to stop stalling and go in and pay for it today. I just know that the second I do, it’s gonna show up. :/
Yes. That is the way of library books. The same exact thing will happen to me. We might as well suck it up and do it, be grateful that our money is at least going towards a good institution.
HA! I think taking a meditation book to dance was probably already a sign you were missing the point. I can’t really do any of those sitting still activities. I mean I can sit still all but my fingers to write, but turning the brain off? Not so much.
So you’re saying I can’t meditate whilst simultaneously doing the salsa? That the two are mutually incompatible? Point taken, Sister Tart. And great to see you in these parts! (For those who might not know Hart, her blogging identity is that of Watery Tart. Besides the “tart” fascination, we share an interest in psychology, kids, humor and mysteries.)
(To clarify, Hart, I was reading it in the car prior to my class. That’s the last time I remember seeing it.)
So funny, Jan! Oh, if we could only plug those brain leaks with a book, eh?
I wish we could plug them with *something*. 😉
BTW, I don’t know what shenanigans you folks have been up to, but all comments are going into the spamcatcher lately–even from those people who’ve been here before. My apologies. I have no solutions. Alas.
By the way, Jan, how was the book on manners? I’ve been looking for one, and the one you lost sounds pretty good.
I can’t recommend it, Dave. It didn’t have the decency to stick around and finish our interaction. Courtesy doesn’t get more basic than that.