Yes, it’s true.  I will now confirm the rumor that has been endlessly debated in Internet chat rooms:   After a productive and glorious two-year association, my Internal Editor, Savannah, and I are parting ways.

Now there are those among you who will wish to assign blame, but please resist the impulse.   After all, Savannah and I are content to remain friends.  And that’s really the essence of the problem between us:  her harangues no longer have the power to reduce me to a keening, slavering life form.

But what really can one expect, when two people meet so young and then Life happens to them?  We’ve both come a looong, long way since then.

Anyone who doubts this has only to look at Savannah’s accommodations for confirmation.  She can now afford a penthouse with her salary from the Nancy Grace show, and no longer has need of the space between my ears.

And I?  Well, I, Not-So-Gentle Reader, have tapped into a previously undiscovered resilience.  The writing will continue.  This is not a brave facade.

Having said all the above, I will refrain from further comment on this deeply personal subject, except to ask for your help on a tangential matter.

Since my writing journey simply cannot continue without a competent IE,  I have already begun the arduous task of selecting another.  One might think it would be a simple process–particularly given the state of the economy–but that hasn’t been my experience.  The applicants have been few, their quality less than stellar.

This is where you can assist.  Can you help me settle on a candidate?  Tell me if my standards are unreasonably high?  And if, like me, you find fault with each and every aspirant, will you employ your resources to help me secure the right one?

I would be profoundly grateful.

These are the best of the best, thus far:

Petey G:

Obviously Petey has youth and vigor on his side, and the number of piercings just scream commitment.  But to be honest, I’m not in love with his voice.  It’s squeaky and less than intimidating.

A good IE’s voice should make a writer cringe.  I ask, could you refrain from smiling when he says, “You are such a woother.  Hit that delete button now, Mitthy!”?

Needles McGrue

Derisive attitude?  Check.  Aggressive meow?  I could work with it.

But–and this may out me as a speciesist–it’s hard to be afraid of a creature whose idea of good grooming is to lick his own balls.  Since that eliminates about three-quarters of the applicants even before they walk in the door–sigh–you see my problem?

Heath Leger as the Joker

Ooh, scary, right?  But that’s part of the problem.  He’s just so over the top that I can’t see it working for me.  (In fact I couldn’t even bring myself to put up his image.)  Remember, people, we’re after someone gifted in the art of precise psychological torture here.  IMO, Heath lacks subtlety.

And that’s all I have thus far.  🙁

This afternoon I have some adult human male interviewees and if they show even the slightest touch of promise, I will definitely keep you informed.

So thoughts?  Preferences?  Suggestions?   I’m keen to hear your opinions.