Welcome to Passive-Aggressive Wednesday, in which we take a proven clinical psychology tool and warp it to fit our needs. (Which in this case, consists of me trolling for blog topics.)
You’ve probably all heard of the gratitude list. Did you know that in double-blind crossover placebo-controlled studies, it actually works to reduce a bad mood? Cures bad breath? Gives me an opportunity to sound like I know what I’m talking about?
(Warning: when I talk in med-speak, I’m probably trying to blind you with science. You’d be wise to distrust anything I have to say immediately following. Also, am struggling with my parentheses addiction today.)
Yes, there is such a thing as a normal gratitude list. And it does work for most people. But when you’re in a really bad mood, or artistically inclined, the normal gratitude list might not be enough. (For example, when your long-term crutch – the ellipsis – is wrenched from your writer’s toolbox by a cruel and vicious critique partner.)
Hence the Passive-Aggressive Gratitude List™. I tested it last Wednesday on some fellow writers and I’m pleased to say the results were uniformly positive. Nor were there any side effects. (Except for that one person. But she was a bit weird already, and the tic hardly detracted from her appearance.)
That’s why I am pleased to offer the PAGL™ here, at the Tartitude, on a limited time basis. That’s right, Gentle Reader. Free to all Tartitude readers, is a unique tool you can use anywhere, anytime. Feeling down on the bus? Make a PAGL™. Boss whipping your behind? Haha! You are so prepared.
Now is that not an excellent deal?
And just to sweeten the pot, I have prizes for the first 10 people who are brave enough to comment below, and prove their competence in this important life skill. Come out of lurkdom, peeps, and I will throw in a free case of “was” sentences too. (Goodness knows I have enough of them, ’cause they’re now verboten too. )
Before you get started – and yes, I can see some of you already rubbing your hands in gleeful anticipation (Laura) – allow me to provide an example or two.
Hope101’s Passive-Aggressive Gratitude List for Sept. 23, 2009
1. I am grateful for my teeth, because I’ll need them to tackle the cookies my daughter baked last night.
2. I’m grateful for meat-eaters, because they allow me to feel a smug sense of superiority.
3. I am grateful to the book Twilight, because now anything I might do to inadvertently sissify a hero, pales in comparison.
4. I am grateful for my Prime Minister. Those insomnia problems of earlier? Pfffft!