Evolution of a Blogger’s Family

What follows is a true and faithful account of Blog Experiment #137-2A. 
                                      ~I.B. Joken

May 30, 2009

Subject hope101 exposed to post by editor Maria Schneider stating advantages of blogging. She paces, only settles after opening  WordPress account. For 2+ hours subject  mesmerized by computer screen. She taps computer keys at random, utters guttural sounds. A strange musculature spasm distorts her face. This writer is alarmed, considers terminating experiment until supervisor insists this is not early rictus, but a “smile”.

Subject’s family less impressed. Much noise in evening about neglect of refreshment and garment processing. When subject touches and points at screen by way of answer, they appear placated. Outside  room, subject’s family make repetitive circular motions with their eyes. 

Assessment: ?Early tic development?

Plan: Record and monitor abnormal movements, particularly since anticipated nutritional deficiency may aggravate.

June 30, 2009

Despite repeated requests from black quadruped named Maya, subject’s habit of morning exercise now erratic. Three times weekly—at minimum—she slouches on wooden chair in office. Little notice paid to refreshment or grooming. Smiles still occur, but infrequently, and spaced out by long periods of agitation and hair pulling.

Subject’s family refusing to look at computer screen. Their circular corneal motions grow more vigorous and occur in plain view of subject. These motor tics seem to cause renewed effort on subject’s part to clean domicile. Vigorous use of vacuum and mop ensue. When family leaves, subject returns to computer and hits “refresh” button at 5 MHz frequency.

Plan: Will examine subject for head lice, which may account for hair-pulling. Since all family members now demonstrate motor tics, will begin assessment for infectious entity, including prion disease.

July 30, 2009

Forced holiday from electronic devices has not broken obsessive-compulsive behavior. Upon returning from Jasper, subject proceeds immediately to office. Car still packed, offspring utter muted cries of hunger, yet subject closes office door and hugs her computer.

Plan: psychologist, neurologist, supervisor in agreement. Unless substantive positive changes occur soon, experiment to be terminated for ethical reasons.

August 29, 2009

Possible breakthrough. Subject’s smiles renewed and motor tics lessened. Timing coincides with use of offspring and spouse material in post. ?Related?

Of note, subject posted family e-mail without express consent. When family members return, will plan for extra security. Situation labile.

September 30, 2009 

I grow increasingly optimistic blog experiment will take. Subject appears more relaxed. Family readily approaches computer, smile as they point to blog page. No hair pulling or rotational eye movements in 9 days—unprecedented!

October 19, 2009

Success! Blog and family now integrated, as indicated by post about youngest member. Topic agreed to by all in advance. Many smiles!

Family members now hit refresh button and appropriate domestic duties so subject can write new blog post. The subject: them. 🙂

October 20, 2009

Family members now forgoing erect posture while taking turns sitting in office chair, pointing at computer. After solitary breakfast of steel cut oats and fruit, subject expels forceful breath and takes  household canine for walk . Upon return, subject shown “hit rate” on blog. Family demonstrates 20+ smiles in five minutes alone, first appearance thumbs-up gesture.

Subjects smiles, but when back turned to family, subject makes orbital motions with her eyes.

Save & Share this Post | Get Tartitude by Email | Contact hope101

10 thoughts on “Evolution of a Blogger’s Family

  1. LOL. Nicely done. I have no illusion that such an experiment would work in my household – then again, if it did, I would be forced to stop writing about THEM 🙂

      1. LM, most of my family of origin isn’t interested in my blog. However, I suspect if I were to begin writing topics that involved their exploits, that might change. 🙂

  2. You might be surprised, Dawn. That was their initial reaction. But yesterday my daughter informed me that Friday’s post should be about her since I blogged about M on Monday.

  3. My daughter occasionally reads my blogs. I think my son is afraid to read what I might write about him. My husband glances at them, but that’s about it. In the blog world, I have Neanderfamily.

  4. Very nicely done. You obviously finally got the family trained correctly. I am still working on that. I share something I’ve found online with my son and he steals it for HIS blog, LOL!

Leave a Reply