Phlegm Song (aka If Dr. Seuss Had a Head Cold)

Forgive that I write this whilst in bathrobe attired,
And nose long gone scarlet and dripping,
For it seems just last week, hid ‘midst onions and leeks,
Dwelled a bug who, in my nostrils, went slipping.

More granny square than beast, more wolly than jagged,
I’ll admit to feeling bemused,
That an object innocuous, prepared to cozy my tea,
Leaves membranes so trampled and bruised.

Oh, adeno- adeno- adenovirus,
You actually look kinda cute.
So please don’t take it per-son-al-ly,
When my lymphocytes give you the boot.

Perhaps it is fitting that a virus unremitting,
Should strike down a blogging ex-physician.
Who better to say, “Wash your hands! Don’t delay!”
And influence some readers’ decisions?

Oh, adeno- adeno- adenovirus,
You actually look kind of cute.
So please don’t take it per-son-al-ly,
I aggress with the power of fruit.

Know the wrath of citric acid,
My punch — no longer flaccid,
My tonsils — I now do reclaim.
Feel the sting of my dart,
Sorry, sucker, I’m Tart,
‘Gainst me your defences are lame.

Oh, adeno- adeno- adenovirus,
Don’t float away with a pout.
You never stood a chance of success.
In Tartitude I hold the clout.

Sooo…in case you haven’t noticed, I’m going through a poetry stage. Oddly enough, when I look back over all the notebooks I filled in junior high and high school, there’s quite a bit of poetry there. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ve progressed in my…artistry, though the subject matter is admittedly more mature. 😉

Comments? Questions? Do any of you enjoy writing or reading poetry? If so, what’s the oddest poem you’ve encountered?


14 thoughts on “Phlegm Song (aka If Dr. Seuss Had a Head Cold)

  1. Love it! “Know the wrath of citric acid” = hilarious.

    Reminds me of a poem I wrote back in college while bored (and confused) out of my mind in an advanced physics seminar. It had to do with things like electron spin and wave-particle duality. It might have been the highlight of my poetry writing efforts.

  2. Tracey, ha! If you dig it out, I’d love to read it. My engineering husband likely would too. 🙂

    Donna, hee. I’m up from a few more hours’ rest and feel much better, thanks.

    Anne, nice to see you. You’re an AW peep, right? And yes, I have to admit the chorus had me tapping my toe a time or two.

  3. *snickersnort*

    Oh, the notebooks I filled with angsty poetry–dozens and dozens of them. They are somewhere… a writer never gets rid of that stuff…

    Sorry about your cold! My I recommend Honey, lemon, whiskey, and boiling water (or fruit tea if you prefer)–nothing survives a shot of whiskey taken with all those things that make it enter your system so quickly.

  4. Oh, see, now it’s just not fair for you to be so versatile.

    This was where I started laughing:
    Oh, adeno- adeno- adenovirus,
    You actually look kinda cute.
    So please don’t take it per-son-al-ly,
    When my lymphocytes give you the boot.


  5. Hart, now I’m home from ferrying children, the lemon toddy sounds like exactly what I need. Would that mix with sugar-free Neocitron? No? 😉

    Clovia, only you would label “oddness” as versatility. But thank you. Hee. 😉

    1. Thanks, Medeia. I’m better today already simply because I had more sleep. 🙂 As for being a poet, thank you, but I think the real poets would turn their noses up in rightful disdain. I’m the Weird Al of poetry, if there ever were one. 😉

  6. Loved it! Of course, I think “Green Eggs and Ham” is a classic, so….

    I have to confess, I dislike a lot of modern poetry. Maybe it is because I didn’t take the 20th Century poetry class in college. I really like poems with strong meter and rhyme.

    I met poet Robert Creeley once, a few years before he died. Utterly charming man. I loved his use of language in his poetry (the finale of seem…).

    Lately, I have been considering the songs of Leonard Cohen as poetry: “Love is not a victory march/ It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”

    Maybe I just really love prose that almost reads like poetry, probably because my own poetry is so bad….

    1. Sheesh. Could have sworn I left you a comment earlier.

      I love Leonard Cohen. Did you know both he and k.d. lang are Canadian? And while I read no poetry for probably twenty years, I have recently started to enjoy it again. Alas, my voice doesn’t come close to approaching “lyrical.” 😉

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