Numbers don’t mean a lot to me. Until the moment that they do. Thus, a tale about a spring break trip, told through the vibrant and undervalued medium of numerical symbolism:
#hours of sleep before road trip due to unsettled household — 4
#cups caffeine consumed to enhance alertness while driving — 3
#resulting bathroom breaks in a 5-hour trip — 7
———-
#long johns available in coffee shop — 1
#people wanting a long john after the mother in this tale stated she yearned to eat one — 3
#minutes spent devising equitable distribution of said long john — 5
———-
#miles walked in town — 4
#miles walked in and out of stores — 5
#shops visited before male offspring decided on folding pocket knife (with his name inscribed on it) for souvenir — 3
#sticks whittled thereafter — 1
#times sibling poked with stick, necessitating maternal intervention — 5
———-
#boutiques investigated for handknit sweaters made from New Zealand wool (knit by sherpas in the Himalayas; lined with silk by child laborers in China; transported by cargo ship and train to an Albertan mountain town, using 0.13759 tonnes of fossil fuels) — 19
#sweaters purchased after it was realized “oh yeah, spring is here” — 0
———-
#designer leather jackets over $500 drooled over by female offspring — 3
#hints about longevity of leather versus wool sweaters — this one’s a total estimate: 1000
#masculine sighs — infinity
#part-time jobs held down by offspring — 1
#times mother offered to spring for leather jackets — 0
#leather jackets purchased — 0
———-
#calories consumed, rounded to the nearest million — eleventy
#calories regretted — eleventy million, minus 1268, give or take
———-
#minutes accidental speeding, with estimated excess speed of 8 miles/hr — 3
#flashes from passed photo-radar vehicle during point above — 1
#embarrassed moments in company of too-observant daughter — 20
#worthwhile road trips this spring break — ONE! 🙂
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So how did you find your own spring break, peeps? Did you get away? Did your children drive your crazy even as you wanted to tackle-hug them and give them noogies? Got any special math to share?
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We don’t have spring break since our kids are out of school now (a concept I still have trouble believing). But we did go up to Chicago on what would have been spring break, so that counts.
Here’s my math:
1 daughter in Orlando
1 son in Chicago
= hours and hours on the phone every day
It also = almost 400 miles each way to Chicago and two hours in a plane or 14 hours in the car (barring blizzards) to get to Orlando.
I’m still puzzling over the “long johns”. LOL I couldn’t figure out WHY they would be in a coffee shop, but then nearly freaked when you talked about EATING long johns. LOL
So I think I need a tutorial on this one 🙂
And no real spring break for me. The weather a few weeks ago was definitely spring-ish, so I’ll count that. Right now it’s rainy, so I wouldn’t mind a “rain break”. 🙂
Ha ha ha! No, Donna — and anyone else for whom this is a regionalism — this is a long john.
# of children = 1
# of children aged 24 = 1
# of “buy me” hints = 0 (She buys her own stuff or does without)
# of hours spent editing = 60
# of times husband required extended attention = 8 (and each time quite well worth it)
*heavy sigh* I’m looking forward to the extended Spring Break of retirement someday . . . Meanwhile, I take what time I can get! 😉
Funny article, and the long johns stumped me too until you started talking about eating them and the off-spring wanting one too. Then it was — oh! LOOOONNNNGGG JOOOHHNNNSS, yeah, I got it!
long johns had me for a minute, too, then i got it on the context. think donut-like eclair and very yummy.
we went on a couple of road trips during spring break. i actually said the words, “do not touch your sister!” and “keep your hands on your side of the car”. I’ve figured out the brilliance of the minivan, I think – it’s so 2 kids can be split apart so they can’t be within touching distance;)
we also went up to DC to the zoo. thankfully the weather was great, the animals were cooperative – as were the kidlets – and yet the day was expensive. was it like that when we were kids? i think we paid more for parking than we did for gas for the 4 hr [total] trip.
This was great, Jan! Loved it! *giggling over shopping stuff* Where’d you GO though? Did I miss that?
Have I mentioned I love it when you guys chime in with your own math? Cool.
Steph, the minivan solution only works until their arms grow. 😉
Hart, we went to Jasper, Alberta. It’s be-yoo-ti-ful and even snow-free — unusual for this early in the year.
#of days I was actually off during spring break = 0
#of hairs I pulled out because of the above = who knows!
Yeah, my kids are young, but the eldest was out of preschool and while it was great spending that time with them all week, I missed my writing!
I love the longevity of leather comment count 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 Hilarious.