Tart Takes to the Catwalk

Portrait of a young man smiling

Okay, so you who are wise to the ways of the Tart will remember my fear of getting my photo taken. Turns out it’s not as bad as I thought. In fact, I almost found it empowering.

No, I did not require booze.

No, I did not go to a pro. To be honest, I’m cheap and want to put my time and energy into writing, not into interviewing photographers. Also, I don’t know why, but if ever I were to go that route, I want to feel I’d earned it; like I’ve written a book of which I’m proud, and that somebody someday might want to publish. I’m just not there yet.

This is what I did:

1. Enjoyed the happy coincidence of a cloudy, windless day in my city, so the light wasn’t half-bad.
2. Borrowed Molly’s most excellent camera
3. Applied makeup with a trowel
4. Had my sister do the photography — essential because I felt safe
5. Let the camera roll. Honestly, beyond involving L, this was the most helpful. Out of 100 or so shots, we got 7 or so that were decent. I’m going to show you guys the best of the best.

I kind of like this one, but the position’s just a tad off. And then there are the fashion “issues.” Oops.

So this one was out.

When I polled a few people, the following came in second place. The reasons I did not go with it:

1. Hilary Wagner said I look like I’m thinking profound thoughts like, “Wonder what I should put on mah cereal.”

2. Another friend said I looked like I was carrying a cross.   😯 He’s right, dang it! And that’s so not the vibe I was going for.

And now I’m going to commit a dastardly deed: ask you to visit my new “About” section to view the winning photo and bio. I’m linking below for convenience, and also because I’d really love your feedback and the Bio page can’t take it, unfortunately.

Also, if you’re curious and in the mood for a bit of a scavenger hunt, I’ve posted a slightly different bio on Writer Unboxed. Don’t think Kathleen and Therese have noticed it yet. I’m just sayin’. 😉

Last, a request. Yesterday, when I asked for feedback, these were the kind of comments I got:



Says “trust me”.

Not one  person said “vixen” or “wildly inappropriate.” I’m crushed, peeps, crushed. It’s a known fact that citrus brings out the slut in everyone. What am I doing wrong?

Tartitude’s Bio Here

Writer Unboxed Bio Here

27 thoughts on “Tart Takes to the Catwalk

  1. Bravo! On the pics and on the bio. I haven’t been able to write about myself in third person yet. I’m gathering courage though . . . soon . . . soon . . .

    Don’t worry about not seeing “vixen” in your comments. So long as no one describes you as “matronly” you’re good!

  2. Great photos, Tart. Having spent quality time with you, “slut” isn’t a word I would apply even in jest. I do, however, agree with the initial feedback comments. Congrats 🙂

  3. Looks good! So THAT’S what you look like with makeup on! Hair looks great too….and I don’t think it looks like a mushroom. 🙂

  4. Ooo I really like the winning pic – you’re so smiley! It’s great! Also, your bio rocks. I SUCK at writing about myself. I had to do it for my job interview yesterday, and concluded with, “And talking about myself feels like hubris so I’m going to stop now.” … I wish I were kidding.

    Citrus beats all.

  5. Oh, I LOVE your bio. I was just thinking about redoing my teensy one this morning. Now I’m all inspired.

    Excellent pics, too. You is hawt. 🙂

  6. Photoshop, my friend, Photoshop – take that cross-like pic and Photoshop in a pic of, say, the guy at the top of the page.

    Then we will get a fabulous photo of you with your arm wrapped around that ripped chest, pondering all those oranges you will be squeezing and all that juice . . . No, no – I’m not going there. I’m not going to be Hope’s Slutty Friend.

    (About the cover model guy – your husband won’t mind, I’m sure. Or not much, anyway. Just don’t show the kids.)

  7. I love it! It’s wildly inappropriate 🙂

    Hilarious comment about carrying the cross, btw. And I LOVE this line in your bio – “Once obsessed with helping people professionally, she now spends her days torturing them on paper.”

  8. Y’all are so good for my ego and made this so painless for me. (Well, if you don’t count the mascara wand in the eye for the photo prep, or anything. ;)) Thank you! You would, like, tell me if I had some excess adjectives stuck between my teeth, right? I can trust you.

    About the matronly thing: Would that include being called ma’am? 🙁

    Rosie, I’m out now! You can call me Jan and my head won’t explode or anything, LOL.

    Anya… *shakes head* All I can say is that it’s good your write erotica. Also, methinks someone’s getting giddy before the Romantic Times conference.

  9. I think it’s great! The sassy comes across, even if the naughty is a little subtle. And I agree with the others–excellent bio! I’ve been thinking pics, too, but am not yet ready to take the plunge… being watery means plunging should clearly be part of it, ne?

  10. Fantastic! And I thought you implied you didn’t photograph well? You look great!

    And, of course, you get extra points for putting a picture of a half-naked man in the blog for no reason. Love it!

  11. Jan, the pic you chose for the bio is my fave too. If you’d been going for the “tart” vote, you could have done as Glinda suggested, unbuttoning a couple buttons, and then slipping some of the citrus fruits in as “enhancements”. LOL

    Congrats again on this new venture. It looks like it’s going to be a fun one!

  12. “Enhancements?” *snork*

    Hart, you should only dive in when you’re ready. In my case, I’m finding that integrating my identities is actually a good thing. Keeping them separate, yet not, sipped away at my energy.

  13. Hi Jan,

    I was one of the finalists for the WU spot, and I’ve been meaning to say hi and introduce myself ever since. Okay, things have been busy 😉

    Anyway, I’ve been loving your posts, and your pictures look wonderful. Sooner or later I must submit myself to the same torture so I can have a not-so-crusty-looking picture for my own blog, but it’s not something I look forward to.

    When it does happen, I’ll think of you and what a good sport you were!

      1. I assure you, Jan, the avatar-sized photo looks much better than the full-sized one 😉

        I write mainstream literary–mostly literary women’s fiction.

        Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff here and at Writer Unboxed!

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