The Frustrating Incident of the Wine in the Morning

Some of you heard me moan about a #kitchenfail incident yesterday and wanted pictures. The Tart aims to please.

This was a bottle of sparkling non-alcoholic “wine” purchased for the kids at Christmas. Obviously we never drank it and left it to languish in our over-the-stove cupboard, awaiting its Easter fate. The ToolMaster figures it got annoyed and decided to protest by way of fermentation. Oy. Next time my beverages get pissed off at me, I hope they go in for marches and bullhorns instead.

Anyway, although the crack looks pretty minor, there was sticky liquid and glass bits spread throughout the entire cupboard. The juice itself dripped down through the microwave, which is probably now toast. (P is in hour four of microwave resuscitation, and it still ain’t looking good for the patient.) It blew the breaker, coated all four stove burners and flowed into the catch space between burners and oven.

Another stream meandered down the back of the stove to emerge in a puddle out the front. There were pussy-toe prints leading away from said puddle all over my kitchen floor, indicating the fundamental cat principle of “what’s in it for me?” remains alive and well. 🙁  (You’ll have to take my word for it. The pictures of mostly clear liquid didn’t reveal the extent of the problem.)

So, my kid-free writing time turned into a cleaning fest yesterday, but what are you gonna do? It could have been much worse. In truth, I feel a little sorry for the bottle. Don’t you think it looks like it’s cringing in the picture to the left? Like a kid with a full bladder who couldn’t get to the bathroom on time?

Oh, and one more consequence of the event? Without a microwave or fan for the stove top — and residue on the burners, no matter what I did — I couldn’t cook supper. A shame, that. 😉

Side note: In the course of writing this blog, I have used more than 300 tags. Not once have I had occasion to employ the words “cleaning” or “non-alcoholic.” Coincidence they should arrive at the same time, then pretend they don’t know one another? Please. I’m not that naive.

ETA: As of this morning’s, the score in the Microwave semi-finals: ToolMaster 1 — D-A Wine 0 Smilie by

10 thoughts on “The Frustrating Incident of the Wine in the Morning

  1. It’s pretty much never a good idea to store sealed liquids over a source of heat….Even that bottle of Diet Coke could turn on you someday.

  2. Oh, that stinks. I can imagine the mess and lovely smell. Reminds me of the time my husband, the homebrew master, accidentally whacked a one-gallon carboy that contained mead. One gallon. Of fermenting alcohol. All over the kitchen. We didn’t lose any appliances like you did, but oh the smell and the stickiness.

  3. Gee, I just dropped by to see if you decided to redesign your blog and found I’d missed a post! The crumpled bottle does look interesting, in a post modern kind of way. Yep, definitely cringing.

    I hate these kinds of things. Always happen when you have other things to do. Years ago I had a can of some spray from the vet explode and spray this vile brown stuff eight feet accross the room. The wallpaper had to be replaced. And the smell? Sigh.

    Believe me, you have my sympathies! Thank goodness for the Toolmaster!

  4. “So, my kid-free writing time turned into a cleaning fest yesterday.”

    A sad, sad sentence. I hate losing my precious writing time.

    @ Bryn – I had no idea about the source-of-heat-rule! I was wondering why my zillions non-alcoholic champagne bottles have never exploded and now I know. I will never move them to the cupboard above the microwave.

  5. We once had a babysitter get pop on our kitchen ceiling. We still to this day don’t know how she did it, because we didn’t see it until the next day. We never had her back. Your story brings this to mind! It was a sticky, icky mess, impossible to remove! Sorry, Tart! I agree about moving the Diet Coke! 😉

    xoxo — Hilary

  6. Glinda, yikes! You definitely had it worse than I do, although the microwave’s status report has turned iffy. 🙁 It now cooks for 5 seconds before turning off.

    Kirsten, yes, I didn’t mind the cleaning process so much as the urgent reprioritization. At least no one was sick, though.

    Hilary, maybe that wasn’t pop. 😉 (Ew!!)

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