So I grossly plagiarized and misquoted to make a blog title. Big deal. It’s kind of catchy, somewhat true, and relevant to the topic: body and bath baskets.
Have you ever gotten or given one of these? They’re my fall-back gift for those uncooperative, non-reading females who have everything they want, or who I don’t know sufficiently well to be able to give a personalized present. I figure everyone likes to get clean. If not, the receiver can always regift their baskets and I’ll never know the difference. I mean, it’s not like I walk around sniffing people all day.
Well this Christmas I became one of those unhelpful women. P kept asking me what I wanted and I kept saying, “Nothing,” because the truth is, I really lack for naught. Also, I’m trying to be low maintenance. 😉 (Yeah. Turns out he doesn’t believe that either.)
Christmas morning, what should be under the tree for me but a basket of shower gel, bath bombs, bubble bath crystals and body lotion. All in chocolate mint.
I hate to admit it, but my instinctive — yet silent — reaction was, “Yuck.”
Not about the mint part. I get the mint. It has many powerful associations with cleanliness for me, such as teeth brushing, dental cleanings, and even a tingly foot lotion I once used after a pedicure.
But chocolate? The idea of deliberately covering myself with a sticky-sounding food-related substance squicked me out.
Still, P had gone to the effort to get me something, which I appreciated. And I’m trying to be more adventurous. I decided to keep an open mind.
I went up on tiptoe to give him a quick kiss. “Thanks.”
He waggled his eyebrows back and gave me a look that spoke of a long-discarded cherry to go with a chocolate bath bomb. “You can show your gratitude later.”
Meanwhile, the kids, who were already looking back and forth between the gift basket and me with doubtful expressions on their faces, overheard. This clinched it for them. That’s how “Gross!” and “Ewwwww!” pretty much became my Christmas morning soundtrack.
Anyway, I did give both the shower gel and body lotion a try, but they’re not for me. I might feel clean, and be clean, but the power of the nose cannot be denied. No matter how hard I scrub, I go to bed feeling like I’ve rolled in Cadbury bars. I just don’t sleep well.
So I guess this brings up a few questions for the Tartitude readership:
1. Why do you suppose manufacturers would believe people would go for this stuff, because I can’t believe I’m the only one who’d rebel at the idea of chocolate lotion? Think of romance books, for instance. The heroine is required to smell of three substances that singularly appeal to the hero. Scents like vanilla, lemon and sunshine. (WTH is it with the nonsensical fragrances, by the way? You people are to smack me if I ever write a heroine who smells of sunshine.)
Despite that, I’m quite certain in all the thousands of romances I’ve read, not once, ever, has the heroine smelled like chocolate. If romance writers don’t think it’s romantic, why would the average person?
2. What do I do with the remaining products? I dislike waste. Unless one of you is located near central Alberta and would like a partially used gift basket, or one of you folks has an inventive idea, I’m stuck with throwing it out.
3. Have you encountered any bath products that make you feel uncomfortable?
4. How the heck was your Christmas?
Mine was peaceful/interesting/expensive and cold. Overall, it was great, thanks.